Showing posts from November, 2016

Things now.

I hate when I have to fake a smile. But, I can't tolerate if I have to be fake with people. I can't be a monster to other people life. I can't let my past take over for my future. I feel like I am a book where you put down and I'm the last poem you will never read again. Some days I still trying to find myself while being lost, some nights clinging onto the longest parts of breaking. Silence is my best friend, till I found a new friends. People comes and go, and here I am, I meet a new people. I'm not expecting them to stay, if they want to leave, I'm okay. I will stand here, let people come pass by me. Because I know nothing last forever. You're memory that maybe I'll soon to forget. Because lately, I start to forget about everything, what kind of food you like to eat, what your fav color, flavor of ice cream that you like, what is your most fav cake, everything. I seem to forgot. Before this, I use to write to remmeber everything about you, but latel…

move on.

I have spent the last 5 years holding onto the hope of a relationship with someone who does not love nor accept herself and therefore could not love and accept me. But I chose to stay even after every warning sign, every fight, and every false promise of a future together. I stayed because I loved her with all of my being. It took me 5 years, many conversations with friends and family, and lots of tears to finally say goodbye to the person I thought was the love of my life. But letting go was my only choice and this is how I knew.

I felt like I couldn’t breathe. There were days where I could not catch my breath when all of my memories of her surfaced, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I was angry and sad, and consumed with emotion so much so that it felt as if the wind was knocked out of me. I’d think to myself,  Is this what a mental breakdown feels like? I said to myself, “How did we get here? When did it get this bad?” I physically was responding to my emotions and they were interfer…


"Kita bukan Tuhan untuk menghukum orang lain.Belum tentu yang nampak buruk akan mendapat pengakhiran yang buruk.
Dan kita sendiri yang belum pasti pengakhiran kita.
Lebih baik diamkan saja diri dari memburukkan orang lain.
Sebab kita sendiri tak pasti tempat kita dimana. Jom lihat diri sendiri depan cermin."Pesan dillazainal pada dirinya. Semoga Allah merahmati kita semua, kan sayang ?

Ini salah.

Meletakkan orang yang salah pada tempat yang salah, ini salah.Semoga rasa ini cepat cepat hilang sebelum menular jauh ke lembah zina.

Totally introverted.

I didn't talk. I didn't explain. All I gave you was nothing. It's not that I don't care. I've been losing people that I hold dear. And I'm sorry I stopped replying. I can't explain. I just feel. I feel it. And what's sad is that this message isn't just for one, but for the many whom I stopped responding to. Even when I want to. Replies overwhelm me, sometimes to the point of drowning. I'm painfully introverted like that. I'm sorry I stopped replying.
Ps: I hope this gets to your newsfeed. And if you ever read this. Whenever I don't reply, it doesn't mean I care for you less. If you're hurt, sorry.

People comes and go.

Learn to trust of what I should not trust. People said, love all but trust few. That is why I'm trying to do. Learn to trust some people even if it's only few. Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah for keep sending me a new friends. I'm not going to put any high expectation on them, but I feel so grateful to have them as my friends. Their presence give me some more energy and the reasons for me to smile. Actually, Allah give everything. It's only me who didn't notice form the first. I'm the one who close the door, wait for someone and expect them to come to knock the door while myself never open and give a chance ? I've been broken, why should I break another heart ? In every friendship or whatever of relationship that I've, my hope is only that we can get over along this journey. If we have to separate with our own way because of something that we can't avoid. Then, let's meet each other in the future at the place where is all people are not going to …