Sunday, 14 May 2017

Life would be soooo much better without ANXIETY

When you have anxiety, you think that everyone is going to leave you.

Your mind over analyzes everything. It’s one wrong Facebook message. One conversation where you wonder if you said too much. It’s a text unanswered that sends your mind wandering. And a call that goes right to voicemail. It’s a second text to clarify, just hoping they will answer. Even though you know you should have waited.

Anxiety is self-doubt. Anxiety is overthinking.

It’s the waiting for people to leave. It’s ruining something before it even begins. It’s goodbye without the word that becomes an expectation. It’s the nights that keep you up tossing and turning. It’s not hearing from someone for a while and thinking they are mad, even though realistically they have no reason to be. It’s an apology you don’t have to say, yet you feel you need to, just to ease your mind.

Anxiety takes a hold of you, it keeps you prisoner in your own mind. It makes you prone to pushing people away when you want them to stay. You don’t want to burden or bother them with your insecurities or worries, but you just want them to tell you that they won’t go. That they won’t walk away. They they understand.Because when your mind plays tricks on you and tells you, everyone, you care about will leave you, you don’t want to believe it, but part of you does.

Your mind convinces you that you are too clingy but the truth is that you simply care. Deeply. You care too much and think too little. You love too hard but everything about you is soft. You try and overcompensate just to give them a reason to stay.But what you don’t realize is they are choosing to be here because they want to be. Because you aren’t as bad and intolerable and unlovable as you think you are. Anxiety is just trying to trick you into believing you are hard to love, hard to be around, hard to keep. But if you look around for just a moment you’ll realize the people who matter haven’t gone anywhere.

Don’t listen to it. You are loved.

she feels alone

The girls who act like they’re emotionless are the ones who have been hurt the deepest. The ones who have had their hearts torn to pieces. The ones who have been through so much pain that they’re not sure if they can physically handle any more.

She acts like she doesn’t care about anyone, because it’s easier that way. If she cuts herself off from her friends, if she distances herself from her family, if she acts like she couldn’t care less about the boy that she secretly wants to date, then none of those people can hurt her.
She pushes others away before they can push her away. She would rather hurt someone else than wait for them to hurt her.

The way she looks at it is, if she pretends that there’s no one in this world she cares about, then she can’t get her heart broken again. If she acts emotionless, then she’s indestructible.
She’s like a little kid at a playground. It’s easier for her to tease the boy she likes about his new haircut than admit that he looks attractive. It’s easier for her to turn down dates than accept them, even if all she wants to do is say yes.

Acting like she’s emotionless is her coping mechanism. It’s her way to keep everyone at an arm’s length. To mask her vulnerability.

She can’t imagine having her heart broken again, so she tries hard not to fall in love in the first place. She keeps telling herself that she’s better off alone, that she’s happier alone, that she needs to stay alone.

She’s built a bubble around herself for protection and runs whenever anyone goes near her. She takes two steps back whenever they take one step forward.
It makes her look like an asshole, like she doesn’t care about the kindness that other people offer her, but it’s something she feels like she has to do to survive. Besides, if she looks mean, other people will stay away. They won’t want anything to do with her — and that’s a good thing.
She knows if she makes the mistake of letting anyone too close, they’ll see right through her lies. They’ll realize that she cares more than she lets on. That she’s actually one of the most emotional girls out there.

Secretly, she’s sensitive. Delicate. Fragile. She listens closely to every compliment and insult she’s given. She never forgets the way a person looked at her or treated her.
No one ever sees her cry, but that doesn’t mean the tears never fall. She just releases them in secret. She does it where no one else can see, so that everyone continues to think that she has it all together. That she’s happy with her life and herself.

But in reality, isolating herself from everyone else is only hurting her. It’s making her feel abandoned. Unloved. It’s making her doubt her purpose in this universe.
She always tries her hardest to look strong. But, honestly, she doesn’t feel strong at all.

She feels alone.

Source: Thoughtcatalog

Monday, 8 May 2017


Yes, forgiveness will set you free.
But it takes time.
Yes, forgiveness is not the only way to end your misery.
But it is necessary.

Forgiveness is important for me. But only true forgiveness.
Lying to others and myself about it while I'm not actually ready to forgive is more harmfyl than not forgiving.
I start believing that I'm iver it, that doesn't affect me anymore.
And so I'm caught ungruarded by tge pain and the past numerous times which only makes true forgiveness harder.
I need more time.
When I'm ready, forgiveness will be easy as blinking.
And when I'll be ready ?
When it doesn't hurt so much anymore. - creatingnikki (via wordsnquotes)

Tuesday, 18 April 2017