TAHUN 2021

    Bismillahirrahmanirrahim,

It’s been a long time since I stop writing. There’s a lot of things happened for this past few years. I don’t know and how to start. Hopefully by this post, I will start to write again. 

19 January 2021: Ayahanda saya Almarhum Zainal bin Bujang telah kembali ke rahmatullah. Pemergian ayah sangat memberi kesan kepada aku. Terlalu banyak hal, persoalan dan rasa yang aku simpan. Tapi aku yakin, ayah at the better place now. It’s break my heart so much bila tengok ayah dalam keadaan sakit. It’s been for 1 year and few months since ayah sakit. I still remember masa kami satu keluarga pergi menunaikan umrah, ayah dah start sakit, pening kepala, tak boleh nak jalan. Selalu rasa pening dan pitam bila nak jalan. After balik dari umrah, along bawa ayah check up and at the end, doctor diagnosed ayah ada ketumbuhan. Masa tu dalam bulan 7-8 tahun 2019. Pada masa yang sama, Along dapat tahu yang Along mengandung. 2019 - 2020 is the worse year for me honestly.

2020 :

A day before ayah operation untuk buang ketumbuhan, I went to klinik kesihatan cause i’m too stressed. Almost being warded in psychiatry but I insist not to be warded sebab esok ayah nak operation. Doctor diagnosed me with borderline and major depression disorder. It’s tough. Yet, today I’m survived. Still alive and survive. Almost 18jam ayah dalam bilik operation, it’s so hard to believe. We all know how much ayah hate to be hospitalised. He refuse to do the operation, but everyone ask him too. Ayah, dilla minta maaf sebab ayah terpaksa lalui semua ni. You work for almost 60 years, and then sakit. Allhu akbar, Allah must love you sampai uji ayah dan kami semua macam ni. Ayah, I really wish you redha with all this, inshAllah dilla dan yang lain pun redha dengan kepergian ayah. Ayah, so many thing I wish I could say to you, but for now. Dilla cuma akan doakan yang terbaik buat ayah.

January 2020 : We lost Tokwan, 1 day after, we lost Aisyah Haura. January was a sad month for me. Allahu Akbar. After this and that happened I feel my heart so numb to feel anything, so lost, so dark and I don’t know how to describe. Can’t even shade a tears. I keep telling myself that this is the best, this is what Allah want, all this dunya is temporary, everything is just a gift. Dunya is not the place that we will live forever. If only you know, a day before ayah meninggal. Along baru tahu shes’s pregnant again, Allahu akbar. Begitu banyak kebesaran Allah yang berlaku. 

InshaAllah 23 September 2021 along due, mohoh doa kalian doakan semoga Allah permudahkan urusan along dan bakal bakal ibu yang bakal melahirkan. Since covid-19 melanda negara kita, tahun 2021 adalah tahun banyak yang kita merasakan kehilangan. Baru baru ni, 3 August 2021, my aunty Ateh Almarhumah Fuziah binti Hj Abd Rashid pula telah meninggalkan kami. Satu satu pergi meninggalkan kami. Allah, 9 August 2021 hari tu Al marhumah Siti Sarah artis wanita which is kak Sarah pun telah kembali ke rahmatullah. SubhanAllah, syahidah. Meninggal kerana melahirkan anak dan disebabkan wabak. Semoga Syurga buat mereka semua yang telah pergi meninggalkan kita. Semoga kita juga akan dikurniakan khusnul knotimah. Amin ya Rabbal Alamin. 

InshaAllah, ada kesempatan dilla akan tulis dengan lebih detail lagi.

Love,

Dillazainals.


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