When you have anxiety, you think that everyone is going to leave you.
Your mind over analyzes everything. It’s one wrong Facebook message. One conversation where you wonder if you said too much. It’s a text unanswered that sends your mind wandering. And a call that goes right to voicemail. It’s a second text to clarify, just hoping they will answer. Even though you know you should have waited.
Anxiety is self-doubt. Anxiety is overthinking.
It’s the waiting for people to leave. It’s ruining something before it even begins. It’s goodbye without the word that becomes an expectation. It’s the nights that keep you up tossing and turning. It’s not hearing from someone for a while and thinking they are mad, even though realistically they have no reason to be. It’s an apology you don’t have to say, yet you feel you need to, just to ease your mind.
Anxiety takes a hold of you, it keeps you prisoner in your own mind. It makes you prone to pushing people away when you want them to stay. You don’t want to burden or bother them with your insecurities or worries, but you just want them to tell you that they won’t go. That they won’t walk away. They they understand.Because when your mind plays tricks on you and tells you, everyone, you care about will leave you, you don’t want to believe it, but part of you does.
Your mind convinces you that you are too clingy but the truth is that you simply care. Deeply. You care too much and think too little. You love too hard but everything about you is soft. You try and overcompensate just to give them a reason to stay.But what you don’t realize is they are choosing to be here because they want to be. Because you aren’t as bad and intolerable and unlovable as you think you are. Anxiety is just trying to trick you into believing you are hard to love, hard to be around, hard to keep. But if you look around for just a moment you’ll realize the people who matter haven’t gone anywhere.